The Rocky Sex Life of Cancer Patients

Sex,  intercourse, whoopee;  whatever pet name or signal couples agree to convey the message of the need to quell the urge, somehow, goes awry during sickness, and hospital, rehabilitation centers, or nursing home stays. Nerves become frayed, energy abates, and opportunities for guaranteed intimacy are rare and fleeting. Then (s)he DIES. And the REAL battle begins.

As Wife’s cancer battle "progressed", any sort of ‘normal’ life became increasingly impossible. Illness sapped her energy; routines were disrupted. Oxygen masks and tubes protruding from the chest became the norm. But, while were still at home, we at least enjoyed sleeping in the same bed, and somewhat-snuggling. 

 Intimacy became next-to-impossible, though, when we entered the realm of hospitals and rehab centers.  These institutions seem to have no incentive to accommodate, or even to acknowledge the existence of such a primal need.  Their rooms have no locks. I can understand that, to a degree, but not really. Couples can never, ever, EVER, enjoy quiet – or romping - guaranteed privacy. The “knock, before entering” policy is, in reality, a “knock as you open-the-door -WIDE” practice – for CNAs, nurses, and, yes, even doctors. More like tap, tap, swing open door, and announce the parade. One nurse recounted opening a door, only to find a couple locked in hot embrace. She reported fleeing the room screaming. 

I’d been under the impression that this primal urge would recede after the partner died. Wrong, wrong, WRONG. That urge still drives, MONTHS after Wife died.  If anything, during the first few weeks, the urge to relieve the pressure on the prostate gland overwhelmed me, as if the dammed river refused any more to be constrained.  In my younger days, I’d heard stories of wives pulling husbands out of the path of the recently-widowed, and of men hauling their women to the curb when newly-turned widowers were roving the streets. Now, I understand that urge, and sympathize – with both parties.

Now that the caring-for-the-patient mode had waned, and  the loneliness tsunami has somewhat abated, all remains is emptiness of heart, strung-out emotions, loss of purpose, and THAT urge -  Still. Plain. Simple. Strong. Primal.